Reflection

Dusting out the cobwebs, it’s been awhile!

As I was sitting here reading my past blogs, I just wanted to share that God has ended my storm, awhile back actually 🙂 He has answered my every prayer in the situation. I have remained faithful and hopeful through it all. Never doubting and always knowing it would be in God’s timing not mine and not his. Things had to happen to get to where we are today. I don’t like that it happened but I know it had to happen.

Life throws us many curves and you just have to learn to roll with the punches and know that God is in control.

I never doubted that we weren’t meant to be, I never waivered on my love for him and I never once gave up on us. Back in September he gave me the most amazing birthday ever, a day all about ME , the only day I allow it to be about me. It’s one day I will never forget. On Thanksgiving Day, he asked me to marry him! 6 1/2 years after we met. I always thought I wasn’t good enough for him but I was always patiently waiting for him to ask me, never pressuring, never forcing the issue. I’m not sure what changed his outlook, only that what we went through made him see what he risked losing.

I can’t explain my love for him, there are no words to accurately describe it i’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s a feeling of completion when I am with him and a feeling of being incomplete when I am not.

I look forward to the day when we can finally be together. To face whatever this crazy thing called life throws at US together. I’m sure the ride isn’t over by a long shot and we will have many ups and downs but together we can concur this never ending ride.

Stay Faithful and stay Hopeful! Keep on keeping on and God will get you where you are meant to be! 🙂

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Patience

Dear Lord,

I have been patient for a long long time, waiting for your timing. When will that be? I’m getting weary and some days I know I’m holding on by a thread but I refuse to give up. I’m fighting for what my heart wants. HE is WORTH the fight … I know he is … I know in the end of this storm we will be much better .. it’s just getting through it that’s the rough part. Leaning on you Lord to get me through and show me strength when I am weak.

 

 

 

 

No one knows the torture I am in

I smile, I laugh, I grin

Underneath the surface, the devil taunts me

Barely hanging on to what I know to be true and all that it can be

I reach up and pray to God, Dear Lord please get US through

Take these thoughts of mine and toss them away

Take ALL obstacles soon or even today

Have mercy and make this storm end

For I can’t handle just being a “friend”

After 6 years, I deserve more than that

I don’t know how to tell him what I feel

How he hurt me, how it’s all so surreal

In his state of mind, I don’t think it even matters

I see brief periods where he lets me in, my heart melts when he winks and smiles

I miss his kiss, I miss his hand

Dear Lord, I beg PLEASE LET THIS STORM END!

 

 

Loving him and standing beside him through it ALL. Believing and knowing in the end it will be him and I and better than before.

 

 

Freely Giving

I started a post last week about giving. Giving without expecting anything in return. I like to help people whenever I can, especially those I love. 🙂 As a single mom giving is sometimes hard, I don’t always have the financial means to do so. Even then though, I still tend to give and go without something.

I’ve done a lot of giving lately. It feels good to give and it makes me feel great to know that I am helping someone or just putting a smile on someones face. For example, I ordered some shirts from the Children’s Place. Amazing deals! When they arrived there was one shirt I did not order. When I seen that shirt one special girl came to mind and I knew I had to give it to her! It was purple with a guitar on it. She is 5 years old and very much into music and musical instruments. That shirt was meant for her. The look on her face and the hugs she gave me? PRICELESS!! I could have sent that shirt back but at the steal I got it? Her reaction more than paid me back! 🙂

Last Friday, I won a contest on Facebook. I gave it to someone very special to me because I knew he would thoroughly enjoy it and he did! I’ve helped him out many times over the last few weeks. Not many people know that, because people tend to judge me without knowing details. I will always be there for him, I don’t know how not to be. My heart only knows love towards him 🙂

Yesterday, I gave to a fund to help someone I know. Her husband was in a bad car accident in another state. A fundraiser was set up for her to help her and her children with traveling expenses etc. I couldn’t give much but I did give and I am praying for his speedy recovery and that all turns out well. They are a sweet family!

Freely giving… what a concept! If more people would freely give without expecting something in return, WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD THIS WOULD BE!

I am now working on a fundraiser to help a friend send her son to Soccer Camp in Boston. She is a single, hard working mom of three boys who light up her world. She would love nothing more than to send her son to this camp. So I challenge you to FREELY give and help her with this amazing opportunity. If I can do $5.00 as a single mom .. surely others can 🙂

Please check it out and help if you can 🙂     http://www.gofundme.com/spsbg 

Tomboys …

You Know You Have A Tomboy When…..

1. When she gives herself whiplash while horse-playing around with water and a slide

2. When she loves 4-wheelers and dirt bikes and begs for one every time we pass one

3. When she runs through a cornfield barefoot chasing after a dog only to result in stepping on a cornstalk and cutting her foot (only in Indiana right?)

4. When she ends up with a broken foot from a 4 wheeler accident

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5. When she climbs to the top of pine trees

6. When she would rather play in the mud than with make up

7. When she’s had more sprained ankles than I can even remember and we’ve had and used crutches every year since the 2nd grade (she’s now a sophomore!)

All these things resemble my tomboy. While she is tomboy about 75% of the time, I am able to see the girly girl side of her from time to time. When she dances, when she does wear make-up , when she dresses up for winter formal or other special dances

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It’s all a good balance for her, whether she’s  tomboy one day and girly girl the next I love her with everything in me. Though, the tomboy in her definitely keeps me on my toes and I’m sure the ER in business lol 🙂

The important thing is I allow her to be who she is. I don’t fuss because she isn’t girly enough and I don’t fuss because she’s a lot of tomboy .. I get the best of both worlds with her. I always support her in the the decisions she makes, even when I know it isn’t the right one 🙂 The key is to step back and allow her to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them, yet being there to catch her if she falls.

Footprints and Friends

I don’t know why God has chosen you to travel the path you have traveled. I guess only He knows that and knows reasons we cannot understand right now and may never understand.

You have been one of my best and closest friends for the last 13/14 years. We understand each other like no one else and can absolutely tell each other anything without the other judging. We can go for periods without talking much because life is just busy crazy but we can pick up where we left off like it’s nothing.

YOU are one of my heroes. We both have been through so much loss and pain in our lives but YOU my friend have been through a lot in a year and some how some way you muster the strength to go on. You are one of the strongest women I know but even at that we all have our breaking points and cannot be strong all the time. I wish I had the answers and words for you right now but from all my loss in my life .. I know words are not what you truly need right now .. My arms are stretched out across the hundreds of miles ..hugging you and lifting you up .. praying for you… I am always here for you and I love you loads!!!

We all need someone
To talk to in our life,
A friend to whom we run
In times of stress or strife

A friend who’s always there
Throughout the years,
A friend we know will care
And take away our fears.

A friend who’s always near,
Waiting for our call,
To wipe away our tears,
And lift us when we fall.

A loving friend indeed,
On whom we can depend
To fulfill our every need –
Thank you, precious Friend

New Beginnings…..

One year ago, life threw one of my best friends a curve. Her husband died unexpectedly! They were married for 8 short months. He was good to her and her children. She loved him very much and he loved her. I never had the chance to meet him but knew him through her. His death was hard on her but she was surrounded by family and friends who loved her and helped her through this traumatic time. Life had to go on. The world doesn’t just stop because your world comes crashing down. She picked herself up, dusted herself off and picked her children up. She will forever be impacted by this tragedy. I think however, Erich would have wanted her to be happy, to not sit around and mourn the loss of him, but to move on and find another that would treat her and her children as well as he had. He knows she deserves the best and deserves to be happy.

 

She slowly moved on, does that mean she loves Erich any less? No, she still loves him. She is honoring him by doing what he wanted her to do “I want you to live”….. song by George Canyon …

I want you to live, I want you to love
I want you to go on and not give up
I want you to live, I want you to try
I want you to know that I’m alright
I want you to fall in love again
I wanna see you smile again and again
I want you to live

^^^ THAT is what Erich would have wanted. No one has the right to judge her because she is living, it doesn’t mean she loves him any less. She deserves to be happy! She has found someone who treats her and her children the way Erich would have wanted them to be treated and that is amazing and wonderful.

Words of Wisdom ……

A quality decision is not one you make at the height of emotion. It’s easy to start a diet when you’re full.

Your mind is the battlefield; set your mind and keep it set. Once you make your mind up, you can do anything God tells you to do.

You can choose your thinking but you need to choose carefully. What you think is what you will become.

Fear can’t be wished away or hoped away. It must be confronted and dealt with through God’s Word.

It’s amazing what happens when you just won’t give up!

You can find joy in the middle of your mess—you just have to decide to. It’s up to you to determine what you will enjoy.

Do what’s right! Don’t worry about what everybody else is doing

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” –Matthew 11:28

Keep your mind going in the right direction, and your life will catch up with it.

Complication produces frustration, which produces anger, which ultimately produces a loss of joy.

In God, there is always a place of new beginnings. It is never too late to begin again!

Listen to your heart and be bold enough to follow it instead of doing what other people want you to do. -Joyce

Knowing who you are in Christ leads you to peace, and peace always produces joy in your life.

 

 

 

I won’t give up …

When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
Still looking up.

I won’t give up on us (no I’m not giving up)
God knows I’m tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We’ve got a lot to learn (we’re alive, we are loved)
God knows we’re worth it (and we’re worth it)

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

I absolutely LOVE this song right now!

Chaos…

I don’t know where this particular post is headed, I just feel the need to write..

I’ve done a lot of reflecting the last couple of weeks, a lot of praying and spending one on one time with God. I’m standing firm in what I have been praying for even though a lot of people do not agree with what I want, but I know what God has put into my heart, I know what I have prayed about for over a year , maybe two.. always patiently waiting for God’s perfect timing not mine but never once doubting that I would receive what I had been praying for. Always trusting both God and him. I’ve prayed for which path to take.. many times feeling pulled in two different directions, God has never steered me wrong.

 

Five weeks ago my life was turned upside down by what seemed like an endless array of events. I have never been so low in my life. First my brother calls and while I won’t discuss the details of the phone call, it ended with him cussing me out and hanging up on me because I stood my ground and stuck up for my niece and nephews. I haven’t talked to him since. A couple of days later my mom moved out, she had been living with me since my dad died 4 years ago, a day after that my daughter got dissed at prom, a day after that, the man I love more than I have ever loved anyone in my life broke up with me after 6 years, the day after that was my first born son’s birthday/death day.. he would have been 18 years old .. lowest of low .. one kick and knock down after another just knocking me lower and lower and lower … I have been through A LOT in my life including losing and burying 2 children and a divorce … but this low was the lowest I’ve ever felt…. when I needed someone most .. no one was there .. not truly there.. no one but God. God has never left me and if I’ve learned one thing in my life it’s that no one and I mean no one is ever there for you 100% of the time .. no one except God. Learn to rely and depend only on yourself and God.

 

I won’t say my friends weren’t there because they were and I know they meant well ❤ but only God truly knows what my heart and soul feel .. no words can make it better .. it doesn’t help when someone says “you deserve better’ “God has something better” or “don’t lose who you are chasing someone who doesn’t care” or even “Don’t look back”

1. Unless you know how well he treated my daughter and I, you couldn’t possibly know he is the best.. there is no better in my heart or eyes.

2. Unless you know what I have been faithfully praying for and about for a long time, you couldn’t possibly know God had already sent me the best

3. Don’t lose myself? I know who I am, I know what I want, I know how precious life is, I haven’t changed that … just that he brings out the best in me and I would like to think I bring out the best in him .. one of the best things about being with him .. is I never had to be someone I wasn’t and he never had to be someone he wasn’t.

4. He doesn’t care about me? I find that hard to believe after 6 years and all the little things he would do for me … it’s the little things that mean the most … always making sure I had bottled water to drink, giving up his side of the bed for me, giving up UK basketball tickets for time with me, many times of dinner and just quality time together, meetings halfway between here and there even though neither one of us could truly financially afford it, loaning his car so I could have my trip to Florida safely and the list goes on and on .. YEAH I think he CARES!

5. Don’t look back? Seriously? There are children involved , how does one not look back? I love these children as much as I love their dad and I will not turn my back on them just to save my own heart.. I am not selfish. I don’t want to erase the past, it’s not like it was ever bad, I can count on ONE hand how many times we have had disagreements over the past 6 years. Always good and good times.. NO I will not give up and walk away just to save my own heart.

 

My point is .. in the middle of all this chaos… I still completely love him and I know in some people’s eyes that is completely insane but unless you can know what my heart and soul feel, you can’t possibly understand. So please don’t judge me for sticking up for him, I only know what my heart and soul feel.