Reflection

Dusting out the cobwebs, it’s been awhile!

As I was sitting here reading my past blogs, I just wanted to share that God has ended my storm, awhile back actually 🙂 He has answered my every prayer in the situation. I have remained faithful and hopeful through it all. Never doubting and always knowing it would be in God’s timing not mine and not his. Things had to happen to get to where we are today. I don’t like that it happened but I know it had to happen.

Life throws us many curves and you just have to learn to roll with the punches and know that God is in control.

I never doubted that we weren’t meant to be, I never waivered on my love for him and I never once gave up on us. Back in September he gave me the most amazing birthday ever, a day all about ME , the only day I allow it to be about me. It’s one day I will never forget. On Thanksgiving Day, he asked me to marry him! 6 1/2 years after we met. I always thought I wasn’t good enough for him but I was always patiently waiting for him to ask me, never pressuring, never forcing the issue. I’m not sure what changed his outlook, only that what we went through made him see what he risked losing.

I can’t explain my love for him, there are no words to accurately describe it i’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s a feeling of completion when I am with him and a feeling of being incomplete when I am not.

I look forward to the day when we can finally be together. To face whatever this crazy thing called life throws at US together. I’m sure the ride isn’t over by a long shot and we will have many ups and downs but together we can concur this never ending ride.

Stay Faithful and stay Hopeful! Keep on keeping on and God will get you where you are meant to be! 🙂

Life Is Too Short…

If there is anything I have learned in life, it’s that it’s too short and it can be ripped away from you in a split second. Personally, I have suffered a lot of loss in my life, including 2 children of my own. It is through these losses  that I have learned to love with my whole heart. As I look around, I see loss everyday in one form or another and it’s just a constant reminder and reinforces and confirms that life is too short, embrace and enjoy it while you have it and the people you love.

Life is too short for regrets, for grudges, for stressing over things in which you have no control. Love like there is no tomorrow because there is a chance it could be the last time you see someone. If you love someone, tell them, because they may never know otherwise and one day it could be too late to say it. Don’t risk living a life full of regrets. Live each day as if it were your last because it very well could be. Impact lives in a positive way and do great things.

I know people look at me and wonder how I can stay so positive with  everything I have been through in my life. My Answer? God! God has been there for me every single step of the way. From living in a dysfunctional family growing up, to losing and burying 2 of my children, through the emotional and mental abuse of a repeatedly cheating husband , through being a single mom, through all the heartache I have recently been through.. God has carried me and no matter what, he will always carry me when I cannot walk on my own.

If someone you love hurts you, forgive them. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. In a world full of hate, negativity, hurt, revenge, and just all around evil, it’s easy to fall prey to all the negative feelings that consume you when you have been hurt, but to conquer those negative feelings and to choose love instead of hate and revenge is the greatest feeling of all. Life is too short to live with negative feelings that just bring you down all the time. Recently, I’ve been hurt by someone I love. I can’t explain the feelings I have, there are no words. I’ve chosen to love over hate and revenge and I have nothing but love in my heart for him, there is no hate, revenge, anger, or any such negative feelings for him .. just pure unconditional love. I know people don’t get that, maybe even he doesn’t get that 🙂 ….but I know it comes from God because nothing so pure could come from anywhere else.

So live life to it’s fullest, love with all your heart, love unconditionally, love pure, laugh often and forgive those who mean the most to you for you may never have that chance again.

 

 

 

Words of Wisdom ……

A quality decision is not one you make at the height of emotion. It’s easy to start a diet when you’re full.

Your mind is the battlefield; set your mind and keep it set. Once you make your mind up, you can do anything God tells you to do.

You can choose your thinking but you need to choose carefully. What you think is what you will become.

Fear can’t be wished away or hoped away. It must be confronted and dealt with through God’s Word.

It’s amazing what happens when you just won’t give up!

You can find joy in the middle of your mess—you just have to decide to. It’s up to you to determine what you will enjoy.

Do what’s right! Don’t worry about what everybody else is doing

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” –Matthew 11:28

Keep your mind going in the right direction, and your life will catch up with it.

Complication produces frustration, which produces anger, which ultimately produces a loss of joy.

In God, there is always a place of new beginnings. It is never too late to begin again!

Listen to your heart and be bold enough to follow it instead of doing what other people want you to do. -Joyce

Knowing who you are in Christ leads you to peace, and peace always produces joy in your life.

 

 

 

Chaos…

I don’t know where this particular post is headed, I just feel the need to write..

I’ve done a lot of reflecting the last couple of weeks, a lot of praying and spending one on one time with God. I’m standing firm in what I have been praying for even though a lot of people do not agree with what I want, but I know what God has put into my heart, I know what I have prayed about for over a year , maybe two.. always patiently waiting for God’s perfect timing not mine but never once doubting that I would receive what I had been praying for. Always trusting both God and him. I’ve prayed for which path to take.. many times feeling pulled in two different directions, God has never steered me wrong.

 

Five weeks ago my life was turned upside down by what seemed like an endless array of events. I have never been so low in my life. First my brother calls and while I won’t discuss the details of the phone call, it ended with him cussing me out and hanging up on me because I stood my ground and stuck up for my niece and nephews. I haven’t talked to him since. A couple of days later my mom moved out, she had been living with me since my dad died 4 years ago, a day after that my daughter got dissed at prom, a day after that, the man I love more than I have ever loved anyone in my life broke up with me after 6 years, the day after that was my first born son’s birthday/death day.. he would have been 18 years old .. lowest of low .. one kick and knock down after another just knocking me lower and lower and lower … I have been through A LOT in my life including losing and burying 2 children and a divorce … but this low was the lowest I’ve ever felt…. when I needed someone most .. no one was there .. not truly there.. no one but God. God has never left me and if I’ve learned one thing in my life it’s that no one and I mean no one is ever there for you 100% of the time .. no one except God. Learn to rely and depend only on yourself and God.

 

I won’t say my friends weren’t there because they were and I know they meant well ❤ but only God truly knows what my heart and soul feel .. no words can make it better .. it doesn’t help when someone says “you deserve better’ “God has something better” or “don’t lose who you are chasing someone who doesn’t care” or even “Don’t look back”

1. Unless you know how well he treated my daughter and I, you couldn’t possibly know he is the best.. there is no better in my heart or eyes.

2. Unless you know what I have been faithfully praying for and about for a long time, you couldn’t possibly know God had already sent me the best

3. Don’t lose myself? I know who I am, I know what I want, I know how precious life is, I haven’t changed that … just that he brings out the best in me and I would like to think I bring out the best in him .. one of the best things about being with him .. is I never had to be someone I wasn’t and he never had to be someone he wasn’t.

4. He doesn’t care about me? I find that hard to believe after 6 years and all the little things he would do for me … it’s the little things that mean the most … always making sure I had bottled water to drink, giving up his side of the bed for me, giving up UK basketball tickets for time with me, many times of dinner and just quality time together, meetings halfway between here and there even though neither one of us could truly financially afford it, loaning his car so I could have my trip to Florida safely and the list goes on and on .. YEAH I think he CARES!

5. Don’t look back? Seriously? There are children involved , how does one not look back? I love these children as much as I love their dad and I will not turn my back on them just to save my own heart.. I am not selfish. I don’t want to erase the past, it’s not like it was ever bad, I can count on ONE hand how many times we have had disagreements over the past 6 years. Always good and good times.. NO I will not give up and walk away just to save my own heart.

 

My point is .. in the middle of all this chaos… I still completely love him and I know in some people’s eyes that is completely insane but unless you can know what my heart and soul feel, you can’t possibly understand. So please don’t judge me for sticking up for him, I only know what my heart and soul feel.